How To Find Peace In Being Alone
In a world increasingly saturated with notifications, obligations, and the relentless hum of societal expectations, the idea of spending time alone often feels countercultural. Yet, for some of us, it is not only a preference but a necessity, a way of recalibrating amidst the noise. I spend most of my days alone, and I like it. Solitude has become not just a state of being, but a philosophy and a practice, a means to learn, grow, and ultimately thrive.
Cultural Perspectives on Solitude
Around the world, solitude is celebrated in various forms. In Japan, the practice of shinrin-yoku, or "forest bathing," is a revered way to reconnect with nature and oneself. Scandinavian countries champion friluftsliv, the concept of open-air living, which often involves solitary hikes or moments of quiet reflection in nature. Artists and writers, from Virginia Woolf to Vincent van Gogh, have famously drawn inspiration from their time alone, proving that solitude can be as enriching as it is introspective.
Learning to Be Alone
I wasn’t always this way. For years, like many, I avoided solitude, viewing it as something to escape rather than embrace. But there comes a point when you realize the only person you’ll spend your entire life with is yourself. Whether you’re deep in a forest, by the edge of the sea, or simply at home, it’s always you. This realization, while daunting at first, can transform your mindset. If you’re going to be your own lifelong companion, it’s worth becoming someone you enjoy spending time with. That shift in perspective marked the beginning of my journey toward embracing solitude, a process of self-discovery and self-acceptance that has shaped not only how I live but also who I am.
The Confidence of Self-Reliance
There’s something uniquely satisfying about completing a challenge you weren’t sure you could tackle. It could be as grand as a cross-country road trip or as simple as navigating a difficult day alone. Each of these experiences, no matter how small, builds upon the last, creating a compounding effect on confidence. The more you do, the more you realize what you’re capable of.
When I reflect on periods of comfort, times when life demanded little of me, I notice an inverse effect. Comfort zones, while safe, can erode confidence. Without challenges, self-doubt creeps in. On the other hand, action breeds action. As the writer Ryan Holiday puts it, “Belief in yourself is overrated. Generate evidence.” Confidence built on evidence is unshakeable. It’s not whimsical or fleeting; it’s grounded in proof. Each solo hike, road trip, or quiet evening spent solving my own problems is evidence that I am capable.
Shedding the Fear of Judgment
One of the most liberating lessons I’ve learned is that everyone else is far too preoccupied with their own lives to notice or judge you. On the rare occasions when they do, it’s often envy, not ridicule, that they feel, admiration for your comfort in your own company.
This realization is a game-changer. The fear of judgment, whether real or imagined, keeps so many people from doing what they truly want. Dining solo, visiting a gallery, or even going to the cinema alone can feel daunting. But once you cross that threshold, you realize how freeing it is. You’ll worry less about what people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.
The Power of Disconnection
In solitude, the temptation to reach for your phone is ever-present. It’s a siren call to distract yourself, to connect with others, even virtually, when the silence feels uncomfortable. But resisting that urge and embracing uninterrupted solitude has been transformative for me. It is in those quiet moments, devoid of external stimulation, that my mind truly comes alive.
A 30-minute walk without music, podcasts, or a phone might sound counterproductive in a hyper-connected world. Yet, for me, it’s the most vital and refreshing time I can carve out. These walks serve as a mental decluttering session, where thoughts organize themselves, decisions crystallize, and creativity flourishes. Without distractions, I can re-evaluate my goals and aspirations. And there’s something inherently grounding about walking through nature, listening to nothing but the crunch of leaves underfoot or the distant chirping of birds.
The Joy of Solo Travel
Traveling solo has become one of the most rewarding aspects of my life. My first trip was timid, staying in a chain hotel and venturing only a few blocks away. But each successive journey pushed my boundaries. Now, I find myself driving on the opposite side of the road, exploring unfamiliar landscapes, meeting new people, and diving into cold lakes simply because I can.
If solo travel is new to you, start small. Pick a destination within your country, stay for a couple of nights, and explore at your own pace. Over time, these experiences build resilience and confidence. Tasks that once seemed daunting (navigating public transport, deciphering menus in foreign languages, or striking up conversations with strangers) become second nature.
It’s essential to distinguish solitude from loneliness. You can feel lonely in a bustling crowd or perfectly content in your own company. Solitude is a choice, a practice of being present with yourself. Loneliness, in contrast, is often the result of unfulfilled connection. Society has conditioned us to avoid solitude, equating it with failure or sadness. But I would argue that the inability to be comfortable alone is a far greater issue.
Embracing Serendipity
One of the hidden joys of solitude is the serendipitous connections it fosters. When you’re alone, the world opens up in unexpected ways. I remember staying in a remote cabin, convinced I was entirely alone. On my last day, an older man approached me. He was the grandfather of the cabin’s owner, and we struck up a conversation that left us both smiling. He even gave me a bookmark, which I still use, a small but meaningful token of our brief encounter.
These moments remind me that we’re never as alone as we think. Strangers become acquaintances, and small interactions can brighten a day. Removing headphones, making eye contact, and being open to the world can lead to enriching experiences.
The Ripple Effect of Solitude
Solitude, I’ve found, is like exercising a muscle. The more you practice it, the stronger and more resilient you become. This resilience spills over into every aspect of life. It sharpens your focus, strengthens your sense of self, and even improves your relationships. Paradoxically, the better you are at being alone, the better company you become for others.
At its core, spending time alone is an act of self-improvement. It allows you to work on yourself, which, in turn, makes you a better partner, friend, or colleague. It’s a virtuous cycle: the more you grow in solitude, the more you have to offer in connection.
Psychological Insights on Solitude
Spending time alone isn’t merely about enjoying peace and quiet; it’s an exercise in mental clarity and self-discovery. Studies suggest that solitude boosts creativity and problem-solving skills, offering a mental reset often missed in the noise of daily life. Crucially, solitude differs from loneliness, it’s the intentional act of being alone, not a state of disconnection. Learning to cultivate this distinction can empower individuals to tap into the benefits of solitude without fear of isolation.
A Life Well Lived
While humans are inherently social creatures, our relationship with ourselves is the foundation for every other relationship we have. By nurturing that connection, through solitude, self-reflection, and exploration, we equip ourselves to live more authentically and fully.
So, whether it’s a quiet walk in the woods, a solo trip to a distant city, or simply sitting with your thoughts, I encourage you to embrace solitude. It’s not just an escape; it’s a journey inward. And who knows? You might just discover that your own company is the best company of all.
Practical Tips for Solo Experiences
For those inspired to embrace solitude, the first step might feel daunting. Start small: take yourself out for coffee, visit a museum alone, or spend an afternoon walking in a nearby park without a set destination. For the more adventurous, solo travel can be transformative. Seek out destinations known for their tranquility and safety, Kyoto’s temples, the Scottish Highlands, or the serene beaches of Sri Lanka. Equip yourself with a journal or a good camera to document the journey, and embrace the silence as a companion rather than a void.
Recommendations for the Journey
To embark on a meaningful solo journey, preparation is key. Invest in tools that enrich the experience,; a lightweight notebook for musings, noise-canceling headphones for curated playlists, and a compact camera to capture fleeting moments. Choose destinations that align with the solitude you seek: the Dolomites for rugged introspection, a quiet riad in Marrakech for meditative luxury, or an off-season seaside town where you can stroll undisturbed. For reading, bring titles that complement the mood, like Olivia Laing’s The Lonely City or Pico Iyer’s The Art of Stillness. And don’t forget to indulge: a fine meal, a well-aged wine, or a locally crafted memento is a reminder that solitude is not deprivation, it’s a gift.
